Letting thing out as we go.

This will be a long post. There are so many times I need to sit there and just put things in perspective. Today was one of those days.
Today was the an aniversary of sorts. Its hard to explain but I will. I think I just need to get this out and let it all go.
Eleven years ago today I met my surgeon. Now one would think why is that a big thing. I realize God is ultimately the one who puts people in our paths. Whether we notice them or not or the ability they have thats a whole different thing. Something I did from the start was feel and aura about him. That things were going to be okay.
Today was a tough day here is why. I listed on my other blog that my Hubby was having a consult with my surgeon for surgery he needs. Today of all days.
Driving there wasn't bad. But the only time I saw him at this center the surgeon.Was hearing the words I think this might be some form of cancer. So sometimes the anxiety that comes with it resurfaces and you can't stop it . It just is what it is.

We went in Hubby had his consult while we were waiting and had to get xrays all of it. Just things were hitting me left and right. Then it hit me today is the day. The surgeon even looked at me and said after talking to my Hubby isn't it almost 11 yrs. I about feel off the chair. I had to collect myself again to talk to him. I am so grateful to him for so much its amazing. I am still in awe of him and his abilities as a doctor. He is a healer in all the sense of the world. I don't think without his kindness and compassion the outcome would of been as it is.

One thing that was disheartening was as much as Hubby needs this surgery its elective and until we get his blood pressure in check again . No surgery. He kinda put his foot down and said get this fixed to Hubby. So on the way back to this side of town we did stop to see the primary about that and got his meds straight and adjusted. Thank goodness there was a drop in the bp or he would of been in the hosptial for observation. So it was very stressful.

We talked alot about things and we had a discussion. About how cancer is in so many ways and how life altering it is and how as things change and it you start to feel better its like emerging in to a new world. Its odd it really is. Here I have this incurable disease. They told me I had three months to live. And here I am. So many things changed.

You talk about for better and worse as part of the marriage vows. That is something that is just so hard to fathom for some just how bad things can get and people still stay together. But today I realized there is a new found relationship between myself and him emerging to. That is something. Its a level where so many things others talk about becomes so trival. We both really are just amazed about the stupid stuff people worry about. And the things. This the society is so thing driven. We are not. We lead a simple life of what we have and its not much. But the importance of those who enter here is what keeps us both grounded.

I am sure there are many out there dealing with cancer as a couple. One thing I realized I am hearing so many say this is my money and her money. I have to laugh with us everything is ours. Thirty years later its still ours. What we have is God given and blessing I truly beleive that.

So today. I had a few times where I cried and I mean a good cleansing cry. I gotta say that having a stable situation in my case is a gift. When your have a incurable disease I think you go in stages and levels to grow through it. I am not sure thats how to explain it .But we both know its a new level of caring for each other cause of what we have been through. I am so thankful I went though with my best friend. Had it been different I am not sure how it would of turned out.

Today reminded me of how good God is. It reminded me of what we prayed so hard for just to get to a better point. Life does happen with cancer in it. IT swirls around us like dust in a whirl wind. Some would say how in the heck can you do it. You just do and run with it. One day a time. Praying to get to a better point.

Amazingly you do. Amazingly God provides healings in many ways. I don't think I got everything I wanted along the way. But I do believe to that God, has His way of getting us there pre planned. So learning to just roll with it at times helped.

Today was one of those days of rolling..hitting a few speed bumps along the way. But thats okay to . You just pick yourself up and move forward one step at time. Knowing that He is in charge. I am so thankful for faith in all of it. I simply have no clue how those do it with out it.

Sleep well....