Dark Places.

One thing I hate is going to a place that is so low. One thing I am tonight is angry. I when that happens. There are many things since treatment that have happened. However I don't dwell much on it. I move on because like going to that dark place that exists.
Its a tough deal.
Thing to see me I look perfectly well but I'm not I have quirks that due to surgery and radiation to the head. I have to deal with them on a regular basis and that for me is tough.
I got weird headaches no one can explain but worse then that its the cognitive mess
in my head. There are so many times that I can't remember things or that I know I know how to do something and have to ask someone to help. Or I am sitting there and want to say something . I am blank. I know what I want to say and nothing comes out. Nothing and then...it does. It annoying let alone embarrassing.
Then there is the computer. Dang it that is the hardest thing. I get it down then something changes. I get annoyed and ask for help and everyone goes so fast and I can't. SO then I turn impatient and that is wrong of me. Its not that persons fault its mine. Its my limitations not there.
My computer is giving me a real hassle and its a really enormous challenge for me to try and figure out the problem. Plus the thought of it crashing with all my art work on it and photographs. This meant throw them all on flash files to save them.
I just got really annoyed at this super big chore and it put me in a rotten place and in tears.Not normal for me.
Most times I am great at going with the flow..but this is testing my inner strength I have to admit it. I have admit it would test any ones patience to a point. Even the most strongest and toughest.
I think the hardest part of what's left is that my family does not see me has having limitations. Plus I don't let it get me down on a regular basis but leftovers caused my treatment is not something we think about and looking okay. Some never believe were are sick as we say when treatment ends or long term survival is good. So why bitch or complain about it.
The dam sad thing is..cancer stinks the left overs for me are kinda of tough. Most days I m good and can push past.
Tonight is tough though I admit it.Once you have cancer its always with you. I hope tomorrow is a better day...